The Ex-Factor

In 1996 after 4 miserable years of marriage, I finally plucked up the courage to divorce my controlling husband.

During our marriage, he was a serial adulterer, and on more than one occasion attacked me. One extremely violent time he even tried to strangle me - so the sensible option was to get out while I still could.

During the divorce proceedings, he used scare tactics to try and get me to change my mind. He and his friends, called me up at all hours of the day and night, with a view of talking me around and to stop the divorce. He then started to turn up outside of my house, trying to speak to me.

It got so bad, that I eventually had to go into hiding. Restraining orders had to be put into place, and my husband was also put onto the Interpol register. I changed my name by deed poll and moved to a different country until the divorce had been finalised.

After 6 years abroad, I returned to the UK believing I was safe - only to discover that he found out I returned and tried to talk me into trying again!

By this time I had met someone else, and was looking to get back into a serious relationship. I again, moved to a new area and for a further 6 years I have been really happy, I'm engaged and I've got a great job.

Imagine my shock, when I checked my emails yesterday, only to discover that my ex had emailed me to ask me how I am keeping and hopes that I am well.

It's now been almost 13 years since I have been divorced and yet he still trying to play his mind games! I can't understand why after all this time he hasn't moved on with his life. Why does he feel that he has to continually pester me?

It has taken many years to put the past behind me - I even wrote a self help book as therapy, to help get through the whole procedure - but it's now as if he is deliberately trying to bring all of my bad memories to the surface again.

I feel angry that he is stil trying to interfere in my life - especially now that I am happy and settled - but I feel even more angry at myself, for allowing him to stir up the resentment inside me.

My initial reaction to his email was to tell him to f**k off - but then I thought it would be what he would want - to spark a reaction and to get me to engage in conversation. Instead I decided to simply delete his email and ignore him.

Hopefully he will get the message and not contact me again, otherwise I may have to look into getting more restraining orders again..